


I tried to put you from my mind

by ZoeSong



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeSong/pseuds/ZoeSong
Summary: Charlotte has resettled at home in Willingden with her family and tries to forget Sidney. But he proves hard to forget.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Georgiana Lambe, Charlotte Heywood & Mary Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 18
Kudos: 123





	I tried to put you from my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swimmingfox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingfox/gifts), [middlemarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/middlemarch/gifts).



> I borrowed a few bits — and names — from _Sense and Sensibility,_ _Pride and Prejudice_ , and from Jane Austen’s life as well.
> 
> My thanks to Swimmingfox and Middlemarch for inspiring this.

~~

Charlotte was in the front room with her mother and sisters working on the mending. The days passed slowly to her, even if they were getting shorter as autumn came along. Some of the adventure of her summer was fading, only a dim memory now as the usual pattern of life on the farm reasserted itself on her. 

Aside from her memory of Sidney Parker — that would not fade.

She had a correspondence with Mary Parker and with Georgiana Lambe, but as warm as both of them were in their letters, she grieved to think that their friendship would also fade with time. Especially as she knew that she could never go back there, despite their assurances of welcome. Every place she’d go would only remind her of him; it would only pain her to remember where they’d walked, where they’d shared their only kiss.

Suddenly the back door burst open and her little brothers came racing in, one of them calling, “Mother! There’s a gentleman coming!” 

“A gentleman? Now who could that be?” Mrs Heywood set aside her mending and prepared herself for company. “Help me ready the room.”

The little boys did not seem to know, but dutifully pulled the good chair over to the center of the room from its place by the fireplace, then raced to the window along with the younger girls to watch as their guest was coming. 

“He has a very fine horse, Mother.”

“And quite a smart hat!”

Charlotte and her next oldest sister, Louisa, quickly tidied the sitting room, and then ventured to the window to steal a glance. 

Charlotte was startled to see Mr Sidney Parker riding slowly up the track. She drew her hands together as if to wring them, but caught herself, allowing them to fall to her sides. He was nothing to her now. She had told herself this daily since she had returned to Willingden. She supposed he had only come on his way elsewhere to bring word of the family.

Louisa whispered, “Is it _him_?” Charlotte had confided in Louisa, to whom she’d written of her hopes. 

Nodding, Charlotte glanced at her sister, who gave her a reassuring look. Moving away from the window, Charlotte took charge. “James, go and take his horse. The rest of you, please come away from the window. Mother, it is Mr Parker.”

“Which Mr Parker?” Her mother’s voice held a hint of intrigue. Ever intuitive to her daughters’ feelings, Mrs Heywood had detected a change in Charlotte’s demeanor upon her return from Sanditon nearly a month earlier, and though Charlotte had intended never telling her whole family about her misadventure with Sidney, her poor broken heart spilled itself to her mother. 

“Mr Sidney Parker. I cannot imagine why he would come.”

“Perhaps there has been a change in his fortunes.” Her mother’s face held a hopeful look. “Else why would he think of coming?”

“I don’t know, Mother.” Charlotte smoothed her hair and plumped the pillows unnecessarily, trying to prepare herself for their visitor. 

“Your apron, Charlotte.” Louisa rushed to untie the strings. 

“Thank you.” Charlotte removed the apron, tucking it under a pillow, and smoothed her skirts just as the bell rang. She vowed to herself that she would not let her pounding heart feel anymore flustered than it did already.

Louisa answered the door, as the cook and maid were both busy elsewhere and rarely answered the door with so many able children to see to the task. Sidney came in, gave his name and his hat to Louisa — much to Charlotte’s chagrin — and she walked ahead of him and announced him, just as if she actually were a maid. Then she came and joined her younger sisters, completing Charlotte’s embarrassment. 

But Sidney acted as if nothing was amiss. “Miss Heywood,” he said, bowing as was customary, then he stood, his head nearly touching the low ceiling of their sitting room. Charlotte’s resolve was broken at once, for his presence filled the room.

“Mr Parker.” Charlotte nearly choked on his name, but she managed to bob a polite curtsey, as did her mother and sisters. She forced herself to be calm. “This is my mother, and my sisters, Louisa, Margaret, Jane, and Anne.” She named them as they stood, like stepping stones in age, along the length of the narrow room. 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance.” Sidney nodded politely to them, his eye glancing along the row of them. If he thought ill that Louisa was the one who had admitted him, he showed no sign of it.

“And these are two of my brothers, Henry and Charles. You met James on the walk." 

Sidney nodded to the boys. The boys mimicked his nod, then giggled and ran from the room. 

“Please excuse them; they are unused to visitors.” Mrs Heywood’s calm voice had a soothing effect on Charlotte. 

“Not at all. They were kind enough to show me the way to the house. No doubt they want to get back to their play.”

“Yes, indeed, they will make the most out of these last warm days out of doors.” Mrs Heywood turned toward the two settees and the great chair. “Please, won’t you sit down?”

“Thank you.” He glanced at Charlotte, and she tried to smile a welcome, but her face would not quite behave. She was sure it came out more like a grimace.

They all sat down, and Charlotte was conscious that her sisters were all staring at Sidney, and he was maintaining a congenial look as he perused them and the room. How uncomfortable he must feel. But so much the better, it gave her the advantage, being in the bosom of her loving family. She ventured to make conversation. “How are Mary and Tom — and the children?”

He seemed relieved to answer such a simple question. “Very well indeed. Mary sends her love — she begs pardon for not having written back yet after your last letter. Things have been very busy as the rebuilding has progressed.”

“Of course.” And now she wondered how he could speak so calmly, as if nothing had been between them. Perhaps she had imagined it all.

“But the children ask about you constantly. They sent these.” He reached into his pocket and drew out a linen pouch, rattling as he handed it to Charlotte. His hand touched hers briefly, warm and strong, as she remembered it when they’d danced, when they’d rowed, when they’d– 

Shaking off the memory, she opened the bag, trying to hide the trembling of her hands. “Oh, how lovely. Look, girls, they have sent us dozens of precious seashells.” A few spilled into her lap, and she picked one up, holding it to the light. Suddenly, the memory of another time she’d done that rose up in her mind. The sound of a splash, the glimpse of pale flesh, the flush of warmth to her own face as she’d whirled away. She put the shell down as if it were a hot coal and prayed that no one had noticed her distraction.

Fortunately, the younger girls were exclaiming in delight and the littlest of them, Anne, leaped up from her chair to take the bag from Charlotte. “Please, can we see them now?”

“Yes, of course,” Charlotte said gratefully. She returned the few shells in her lap to the bag and handed it over to Anne. “Take them to your room and spread them out on the table by the window. The light there will make them shine most delightfully.”

“Ooh, yes, thank you!” Anne, Margaret, and Jane raced off to their room, with their treasure, leaving the others with an unwelcome quiet.

Charlotte turned back towards Sidney, hardly daring to look at him, her feelings running riot. She forced herself to be calm. “Thank you. That was very kind.” It was only a simple gift, but its thoughtfulness touched her.

“Well, it was the children’s idea. But I am glad to be the bearer of a present that causes such joy.” 

Charlotte risked a glance at his face, and he seemed so composed that she wondered if he came bearing news that would bring her any such joy. But she only said, “And how is Georgiana? She sounded in better spirits in her most recent letter.” 

“I believe she is. I have brought her to Trafalgar House to stay for the time being rather than send her back to London with Mrs Griffiths. I intend to find another situation for her shortly.”

“Oh, she will be glad to have left Mrs Griffiths.” Charlotte shifted uncomfortably, remembering her part in Georgiana’s escape from that lady. And yet another thought came to her. “But I had rather thought you would take her to live with you and…Mrs Parker.”

A slight shadow passed Sidney’s eyes at this, as if he were reminded of the reason he had come. “Ah, no. There is no Mrs Parker. Well, no Mrs _Sidney_ Parker. The wedding was called off.”

The weight that had seemed to sit in Charlotte’s breast now lifted, and she released a slight breath that could be taken as surprise. She cast about for the right thing to ask or say. She glanced at her sister for help, but she remained uncharacteristically quiet. 

Her mother rescued her. “Charlotte, why do you not take Mr Parker to see the grove? Our sitting room cannot greatly impress him, but the grove is most beautiful this time of year.”

Sidney, seeming grateful for the suggestion, responded immediately. “Indeed, I find your sitting room quite pleasant, but I am sure that I would enjoy seeing the grove with Miss Heywood.”

Charlotte, in nervous anticipation of a private talk with Sidney, rose quickly. “Very well. I will just get my coat.” She glanced at Louisa, who gave her an encouraging smile. 

A few minutes later, Charlotte found herself leading Mr Parker along the hill she’d rolled down as a child with her many brothers and sisters, to the place where she’d had spent many a dreamy afternoon. As they turned into the path that led to the grove, Charlotte tried to still her racing heart. 

She led him to the center of the largest stand of trees, where a gnarled old beech towered over the rest. “This is my favorite spot.” 

Sidney looked all around, taking in the cathedral of color, but his eyes returned quickly to Charlotte. “It is indeed beautiful. But it is not the only thing here that is.”

Charlotte’s heart quickened and she blushed, but she dropped her eyes, afraid to let him see the effect he had on her. 

He took a step toward her. “Miss Heywood. Charlotte. I know I have startled you by coming here unannounced. I would have written, but I wanted to bring the news in person.” 

“But what happened? Did Mrs Campion…did she change her mind again?” 

“No. I broke the engagement myself.” 

“Oh.” Charlotte was astounded. 

“That day…when I rode after you to bid you farewell…. Shutting that carriage door and watching you drive away — perhaps to never see you again — was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Part of my heart drove away with you.”

Charlotte could only nod, having felt very much the same. 

“But I had determined to do what seemed best for my family. I tried to put you from my mind. And yet I did not leave Sanditon for some time. I stayed to help Tom get the rebuilding underway. And I owe it Tom — well, really Mary by way of Tom — that I am here now.”

“Oh, yes?” 

“For Mary saw that I was unhappy and told Tom so. It seems he was unaware that I was not marrying the choice of my heart until she told him. As soon as he’d heard, he came to me and told me that he would not have me broken-hearted again for all the world.”

“Ah, dear Tom. But what of Sanditon?”

“Sanditon be damned!” 

Charlotte started at his vehemence. 

“Forgive me. That’s what Tom said. He insisted that he would find some other way to finance the rebuilding. He said he preferred his brother to be happy than for his coffers to be full.”

“Oh.”

“I had to return to London to tell Eliza, but I came as soon as I was free.”

“I see.”

“I came to see if you could possibly still feel as you did in the summer — err, rather, I assume you felt — I know that I didn’t ever give you a chance to say.” He grimaced. “I am putting things very badly. Charlotte, I came to ask if you will have me. If you will marry me.”

Charlotte’s heart was full. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but she could not speak. She had not realized just how much she’d regretted him until now. She fumbled for her handkerchief. 

“Here, take mine.” But instead of giving it to her, Sidney reached to dab at the tears himself, allowing his fingers to linger on her cheek, cupping her face gently. “Charlotte. Dear Charlotte. Can you forgive me? Will you marry me? Please.”

Now the tears flowed more freely, and giving a little sob of a laugh, she nodded and breathed, “Yes.”

He released a great sigh of relief, and laughing himself, gathered her into his arms, lifting her slightly off the ground. “Oh, Charlotte, I promise to make it up to you — I pray you’ll never have cause to weep on my behalf again.”

He set her down gently, and as they separated slightly, bent to kiss her. Her heart melted, and for some time they were lost in each other. 

“Hey there, what is this I see?” 

They parted completely then, and Charlotte smiled tearfully as she saw her father coming toward them, making his way home from the upper field.

“Your brothers said we had a visitor — I’d no idea it was a suitor.”

“Oh, Father. This is Mr Parker. Mr Sidney Parker. And I have just accepted his proposal of marriage.” 

“Ah, I see. Well, then kisses are quite in order.” Mr Heywood nodded to Sidney, who nodded back. “You’ll wonder why I don’t demand that you ask my permission, but she’s of an age to decide for herself, and I can see in her eyes that you’re the one to make her happy.”

“I swear to do all in my power to make her happy for all our days.” 

“Well, then I can go to my supper in peace. You’ll join us, I hope?”

“Yes, sir, thank you.”

“Ah well, then, I will adjourn and leave you to your walk. Be sure to show him the brook, Charlotte. Supper won’t be for a bit if my reckoning is right.” He squinted at the waning sun and turned amiably towards the house.

“We will be there by and by, Father.” Charlotte smiled after him.

Sidney offered her his arm, and they walked through the wood to the other side. There, a brook babbled past a large granite stone which afforded a private seat for two. There, under the trees that had sheltered her and her dreams as a child, Charlotte and Sidney professed their love for each other.

~~

They were wed there at Willingden, as Charlotte preferred to be married from her home in a simple country service. But the occasion was made gay by the Parkers, who came en masse, for even Arthur and Diana had been convinced to venture from their sick beds to witness the marriage of their beloved brother to the dear Miss Heywood. They brought with them Miss Lambe, who bestowed her good wishes as warmly as she could, considering that her good opinion of Sidney had only begun to grow. She caused quite a stir in the little village, as few had seen someone of Miss Lambe’s complexion before, but on the whole she found it a welcoming place.

It was arranged that after their wedding trip, Georgiana would come to live with Sidney and Charlotte, so thus the girls could remain not only friends, but something akin to sisters.

Mrs Tom Parker was quite taken with Charlotte’s sister Louisa, and when they all returned to Sanditon, Louisa was in tow as their guest. Indeed, now that they were all family, the Parkers made ready to open their home to any of the Heywoods who might wish to visit. Mary was privately disposed to hope that Mr Arthur Parker might find favor with the rather jolly Miss Louisa Heywood.

And what of Sanditon? It seemed that a _certain friend_ of Lady Susan Worcester, having heard the heartwarming story of Miss Heywood’s marriage to Sidney Parker, took a sudden and profound interest in the quaint little seaside town. He proclaimed to all who would listen that he would visit there the following summer and perhaps stay the entire season if the accommodations were right. After that, Tom Parker suddenly found no shortage of investors looking to cash in on what was sure to be the new Bath or Brighton.

Sidney and Charlotte took a house in a quiet spot overlooking the sea, away from the fashionable center of Sanditon. There they would reflect with affection on the place that had brought them together, and not even Lady Denham could detract from their happiness. For that lady, upon meeting them after their marriage, remarked to Charlotte smugly, “I knew you were looking for a husband — you may have found more than you bargained for. Mind you don’t let him rule you!”

But Charlotte only laughed, for didn’t Sidney tell her every day that she ruled his heart?

~~

[](https://imgur.com/jQcTRL6)

~~

**Author's Note:**

> This was written rather quickly over a weekend (quick for me), in my attempt to avoid spending weeks perfecting yet another unposted fanfic. Please forgive (and feel free to suggest corrections to) any imperfections.


End file.
